UberLordDelacroix's Xanga

Monday, August 29, 2005

Mon, 29 Aug 2005 00:10:09 GMT

www.xanga.com/ChaosAlchemist09

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Sun, 28 Aug 2005 03:04:52 GMT

someone plzzzzzzzzzzzz help me with that assignment! about "how to kill a mockingbird" yet wah i havent read a single page. i just want to showoff my emo outfit (i wish i had the studded bracelets and studded pants, that would look so cool) ready for the first day of school, just to make a good first impression to know that i dont have strong feelings and dont try to break my heart for the 15th time on the first day of school.

my new computer is sooo cool! this computer's text is retarded as hell, its just, i wonder if it shows like this to everyone else, its looks stupid, but anyways, im so nervous about the first day of school. i...just so confused of what to do. i probably going to make all the stupid person-from-a-new-school mistakes like forget what room number my class is in, or forget my locker combination at the exact moment i locked it on my locker, or make one of those backstabbing friends, kinda like how i met that damn fuking backstabbing of a bitch, matt, and i told him everything, then told everyone.

im watching inuyasha movie now see ya bye! oh yea im wearing my inuyasha t-shirt on the first day of school then. bye

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Sat, 27 Aug 2005 03:19:24 GMT

theres like this emotional transfluxing concoction(i felt smart saying that hehe(its emotional mix) inside of me right now, im 33.3% happy, 33.3% sad, 33.3% breathless from today and 00.1% alive inside.

dont even ask about that up there ^

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Thu, 25 Aug 2005 20:30:02 GMT

i hate it that i never get comments unless i feel like cutting or suiciding.....i remember i had to tell deep secrets that usually are spreaded around the school the next day just to get comments on my xanga.

hmm i got my new computer today, but the stupid ass guy at the pawn shop that we got it from for 300, forgot to give us the fucking main power cord, the one u plug from the whole hard drive tower to the outlet/powersurge thingy. so im still on the family computer til we go back to get it, then my cousin will help us with making it where both computer can have the broadband connection and he like giving us something called a network adapter and a router......i have no idea, im not that computer geek, im like a .... above average computer geek, not that perfection like kind

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Wed, 24 Aug 2005 05:15:03 GMT

http://www.blogring.net/index.php?showtopic=84062
i was putting that so i can remember
http://www.blogring.net/index.php?showtopic=81514
now that im about to get off the computer, since my mom wants me to go to bed, im not really going to go to bed, im just going to shut the door, turn on the light and open up my new composition book letting all these ideas of stories and poems and songs and creativity come in. peace

its sad that........no matter what, forever...i will only be her best friend, and nothing more , i think thats what im gonna write about first

edit 3:20 PM, GUESS WHAT I FOUND! http://www.blogring.net/index.php?showtopic=63505&hl= MY FIRST LAYOUT I MADE, but yea i got bad reviews though lol, im putting on the layout xanga

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 01:08:27 GMT

im bored.....

i got this new game about 4-5 days ago, its really fun, its a puzzle game and stuff...

*playin out a crazy electric guitar solo on a imaginary electric guitar* im listening to maroon 5 too

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Very High
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Moderate
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Very High
Dependent:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

wow.......and this was when i took it about 2 years ago, this is my very old xanga
http://www.xanga.com/item.aspx?user=mexigirllover5345&tab=weblogs&uid=89025757

Friday, August 19, 2005

Fri, 19 Aug 2005 18:19:37 GMT

Under Construction!

this xanga+new layout making xanga

edit-12:11 AM

ok, i just already cant stand it, having my xanga shut down, because im highly HIGHLY obsessed with xanga, i check my xanga for comments about....20 times a day. I dont know i really wanna make layouts, honestly, i forgot how to and plus i got too lazy over the summer to learn how to again.

I going to go back to writing love poetry again, and ima start short stories.

ideas to write about, cuz inspiration left about a mile farther than despair and an inch of suicide from me.............................. ...................................... ..................................................... ......................................... .................................................... .............................................. ........................................................ ............................................................ ................................................................ ............................... im gonna listen 2 all the maroon 5 songs again.. peace

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Thu, 18 Aug 2005 06:53:12 GMT

anywayz, ignoring comments back there, especially that mean high school person, realizing that im going to hate my next 4 years..... im trapped in a corner, in a room full of walls with sharp spikes and its all closing in on me in 2 weeks, with no way out....

my troubles coming up----
1.first day of school, how to be someone im not again to make friends
2."how to kill a mockingbird" book that i havent started yet to be due on first day of school....more than half of literature arts class
3.both my parents always on my back, never letting me do what i want (like pick out certain clothes i want but dont buy and getting clothes that i dont want to wear in the dark).
4.staying in the house indoors on the computer, and my damn parents making me go places and going outside and in places with people (so so so embarrassing, i want to die)
5.not even acceptance by my own race, i mean, i dont even listen to rap or play basketball or talk to girls
6. fear knowing that im really sure that ill get my heart broken before the 1st week of summer school ends.
7.fear that my current friends are going to change and turn on me and tell all my secrets
8.Matt, my main possession of hate, is going to torture me and my social life again like from 7th grade and that last time from summer school
9.my present nightmares of what high school going to be like, hoping there not true
10.what would i do without her, my own reason that i like school, after she crushed/broken my heart? i can never show my face, or talk around her again...
11.stress and pressure from my parents telling me that high school is going to be very hard, that your whole life depends on it, that i must keep up that C- average(i havent made a C- average since 1st semester 6th grade)
12.i have to go see a psychologist once every 2 weeks after school now thanks to the people that told...
13.pretending to be happy and joyful, not the inside, "No. me?. Feeling depressed and suicidal, no no, not at all!"....yea right
14.must be nice...to have a loved one to hold, that you can love and tell everything knowing your secrets are kept, and that you always have someone when u feel insignificant and lonely. hmm ill probably be single until im 80 years old
15.my parents thinking im going to college and i don't even want to, i want to be an actor or a guitarist for some band. i know those are "yea right, like that going to happen" jobs but i would do anything to not go to college and suffer more years after high school then live in an home with no one, and working about 10 hours a day for a boss.
16.what people think about me, i know what they all think, ugly, retard, fatass, loser, gay, stupid, asshole, and i could go on and on for hours with no end.
17.sometimes i feel that people think that i'm stuck up or think that im too good to talk to anyone else, but i feel it might seem that way and i don't want to, i want someone to talk to, its just that im too shy to go up and start a conversation with anyone at all in public, even if i knew them, but saw them somewhere, i would be too scared to say hi
18.i know that every poem or story or song or essay or whatever writing assignment i get, its going to be about love, depression, desperation, and of course, you-know-who, it always been, from everything i wrote from 7th grade to right now to the future

well i got to go to bed now and looking at my old xanga that im reading, i see i really had some mentally retarded problems back then, i cant believe the way i talked and said stuff.... http://www.xanga.com/mexigirllover5345

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Tue, 16 Aug 2005 07:27:17 GMT

i swear to god(which is fake).....

i have way more reasons to suicide than i can count, i swear...

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Amor_4_Musica

ITS LIKE ANOTHER GIRL CALLING ME A STALKER AGAIN, NOW I KNOW WHO SHE IS, I REMEMBER FROM THAT DAY WHEN I WANTED TO KNOCK THE FUCK OUT OF MATT >_<

omg can someone just PLEASE PLEASE HAND ME A GUN OR A CHAINSAW FOR CHRIST SAKES!!! LET ME GET OUT THIS HELL PLEASE, MY HEART BEEN BROKEN 16 TIMES I CANT TAKE IT NO MORE, I CUT THE PAIN AWAY AND I HAVE 28 SCARS ON MY LEFT ARM, I NEED TO MAKE IT A LOT MORE TONIGHT, I WANT TO DIE SO BAD, I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Tue, 16 Aug 2005 07:13:22 GMT

i talked to bridget on the phone again today, about an hour and 30 minutes.

why did i ever suicide our relationship because i didn't know what to do? why couldn't i just accept the fact that i wasnt a good enough boyfriend to her? why did i have to let go, unleash crazy feelings and write an secret admirer love poem toward that sonofabitch, cassie? why do i want her back so bad, almost holding in stuttering the words "i love you" to her...

god i miss her, and i cant stop thinking about her

this song, tangled by maroon 5 is my feelings inside me now about bridget.

"Tangled"

I'm full of regret
For all things that I've done and said
And I don't know if it'll ever be ok to show
My face 'round here
Sometimes I wonder if I disappear

Would you ever turn your head and look
See if I'm gone
Cause I fear

There is nothing left to say to you
That you wanna hear
That you wanna know
I think I should go
The things I've done are way too shameful

Your just innocent
A helpless victim of a spider's web
And I'm an insect
Goin after anything that I can get

So you better turn your head and run
And don't look back
Cause I fear

There is nothing left to say
To you
That you wanna hear
That you wanna know
I think I should go
The things I've done are way too shameful

[x2]
And I've done you so wrong
Treated you bad
Strung you along
Oh shame on myself
I don't know how I got so tangled up